As we begin to make the transition from our life here to our new adventure in South Korea a flood of emotions have been running through me.  I have no doubt and am not wavering in our calling to serve Christ in South Korea with Cadence, but what is left behind here feels a bit undone.  The question I keep coming back to…”is ministry ever really done”.  God has allowed Jonna and I to invest in the lives of people here always knowing that when we were released to the field by the mission that we would be leaving them behind.  As I think about a few of them I don’t feel like I’m ready to stop working with them.  I know that God will provide what he wants and who he wants in their lives but part of me feels like I’m letting them down.

I wish life this side of eternity was not so messy but, it is.  It’s messy, painful and discouraging; and if this life was all there was then depression would be my constant companion.  There are lots of days that I think of eternity because it is that thought that gets me though the ugly in this life.  I also try very hard to stay focused on the task at hand, serving my Savior with all my being.  I never know beforehand who God will bring across my path nor do I know beforehand what He has for me to do in that persons life.  I simply try to be available and willing at all times.  Not an easy task and I’m not always successful.  Usually when I feel like I’m in a good place and have something to offer to someone else He doesn’t use me and when I don’t have anything to offer He asks me to step up and give something.  The one constant in all situations is that when I recognize that God crossed my path with another and I did not shrink back but did what I was asked, there is peace and contentment.  It’s hard to explain but it’s there.  Sometimes what is asked of me seems really trivial but when I do what I’m asked and don’t wilt from fear or shame then I’m satisfied with my life.  I know in my mind what God expects of me and He confirms that in my heart when I obey.  Over time, lots of time, I’m learning to recognize that prompting more readily and respond to it more boldly.  It’s a process.  God gives me opportunity and I respond to it when I recognize it, he confirms it in my heart and next time my eyes are more open and my ears hear better.  Conversely when I shrink back or am embarrassed and don’t follow that prompting then my heart is hardened just a little and each time I ignore the call I am less and less able to hear or see perceptively.

We were made to glorify God in our lives.  That is easy to understand intellectually, but very difficult to put into practice.  As soon as I commit anew to do better in this area Satan attacks and gives me ample opportunity to fail.  He offers compromise in so many subtle ways that I don’t even have a clue as to how often he has compromised me and I did not even recognize it.  I do know that I have been compromised more often than I want and certainly more often than I should have.  Sin is so prevalent today that unless I stay steeped in His word and prepared for the battle I’m easy pickings for Satan.  I don’t want to be easy pickings for Satan, I want to be a challenge, I want to be strong and solid for God but, I’m weak and my flesh is weak and unless I plug into the source of power I’m no match for the powers of this present darkness.

As I process through the transition to full time ministry work in South Korea I’m aware that I’m walking into the pit of hell to do battle with the powers of evil over the souls of those God put’s into my path.  I pray that I will be faithful, humble, kind, gentle, accurate and loving.  Most of all I pray that my flesh is subdued enough to allow the Holy Spirit to do His work though me for God’s glory.  I want to serve well and finish used up with nothing left to offer.  I want to give God my very best, holding nothing back.  Pray for me please.

by:Michael